January 27

You  bring me joy, excitement,
    hope and a need for tomorrow.
You enable me to feel –
        are the source of infinite inspiration.
Why is it, then, that sometimes I feel
        I am reaching for the impossible?
Why cannot I just rejoice at what is,
        Instead of feeling sadness at what might
or could be.
I seek more time for loving you.

I try to hide this sadness –
    from myself as well as you.
You give me the promise of forever,
        bring hope and love that I
never felt before.
Then I hear Lawrence Ferlinghetti:
        “…but then right in the middle of it
    comes the smiling
I seek more time for loving you.

I have no fear of death.
“… it will come when it will come.”
And I will greet it with both
a promise and a hope.
But there is so much yet to do.
        So much to accomplish together –
I seek more time for loving you.
I do not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
Mostly I’m content
        in our shared happiness,
though once in awhile, when I wake up tired,
        or short of breath,
or undergoing another treatment session,
        I cannot help but feel a certain sadness –
I seek more time for loving you.
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