January 10

Sometimes I feel insecure, and find it difficult
to express my love for you.
I don’t come from a hugging, feeling family.
When growing up, I mostly experienced love from a distance.

I learned quickly to shake hands
with my Father –
kissing between boys and men was wrong.

I had an abundance of kisses stored
within, just wanting to come out. 
That poor girl on my first date made the mistake
of granting me permission to kiss her.
I’d be there still
had she not sought the safety and shelter
of her house

I learned there is a special, reserved
time to love – love should only be expressed in
private, intimate times.

I lived with many self-imposed boundaries
by which I believed all were ruled.
Holding hands – the ultimate sign of affection.

Like the kisses I stored so many years ago,
love also was locked within.

You posses a magic key, and suddenly
the floodgate opened wide –

love came pouring out –
love I didn’t even know existed.  Hidden love,
forbidden love – love – that feeling
never to be shared!

Remember my fright? The intensity of my love
amazed me; I feared to suffocate you.
I tried to hold back,
but you asked for all I could give,
and I loved you so much more.

But even now, there are times when
I still hold back –
waiting for some sign –
some little hint from you asking
that I give. And you do. And you always do.

The secret place where I stored my love
has moved.
It resides now in your heart. It is protected.
It is nourished. It comforts me.
All Rights Reserved Copyright 1999 and 2000 Robert E. Kogan
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